Top Ten Ways George Lucas Will Screw Up Episode Three

I watched the trailer for Star Wars Episode III and found myself getting excited to see it...then I remembered the rotten stench of Episode II. I fear that no matter how snazzy the trailer, George - bless his soul - will find some way to completely and irredeemably hose Episode III. Here are ten possibilities how such a hosing may occur:

1. After Anakin butchers hordes of Jedi, Padme says: "That's OK, Anakin. Everyone gets angry sometimes."
2. Anakin is burned by the lava and C-3PO, who -- as we learned in Episode II --is the master of rim-shot comedy, quips: "Anakin is on fire today."
3. Two seconds later, Jar Jar uses the fiery magma to ignite his own flatulence, propelling himself upward 15 feet before landing straddled over a balustrade America's Funniest Home Videos style.
   
4. Jar Jar does NOT get ripped limb from limb and eaten by Ewoks who are themselves mercilessly gutted by a group of hungry wookies
5. Anakin tries to emote, sending the audience into hysterics.
6. Yoda goes wonky again and starts bouncing and spinning and bounding around the room like a green monkey on crack.
7. The Clone/Storm troopers suddenly break from their tradition of missing everything in sight and manage to kill every jedi before lapsing back into ineptitude every time Obi Wan Kenobi is around.
8. Darth Vader's suit comes with a conspicuously branded Ipod built in.
9. There is another LAME, flat-footed lightsaber fight between Anakin and Count "Aching Back - Creaky Knees" Dooku that leaves everyone pining for Darth Maul.
10. The engine exhaust of XWings is pink (anyone else notice that?), a fighter pilot's favorite color for intimidating the enemy.

I hope the movie is good. I really, really do.